Square One


Well, this was unexpected.  Here we are facing this giant again and he seems so much bigger this time.  On the phone with Layla’s oncologist yesterday, I told him this feels so much worse than her original diagnosis.  He replied, “It is”.

We thought Wednesday would be a routine MRI, we’d leave with the “all clear”, grab her maintenance chemo from the pharmacy and be on our way.  This is the first time Bryan had come with me for a scan (thank you, Jesus, for that one) and when they called us back to recovery and Layla wasn’t there I knew something was up.  “Dr. Bowers will be right in” No. No. Nonononononononono.  This is not how this works.  We only had to see the look on his face to know what he was about to say.  That was not a good day.  And now we fight the beast again.

Honest truth: I’m a total mess.  Like a hot mess.  I keep it together as best as I can and only try to focus on what’s right in front of us.  But sh** catches me off guard.  Like watching her play with Daniel and how she’s been teaching him his ABCs.  They practice every night before bed. ❤️  Or when the thought of her not hearing her laugh or dance or sing brings me to my knees.

I know this is not the end.  Not even close, but the devil has my number this week.  Every morning I will get up and make his job as hard as possible.  I will praise my Heavenly Father through each tear and have faith he will deliver her from Goliath. I won’t be sucked into losing a precious second with her.  God has big plans for her. He had big plans for us.  I just wish it was a little easier. 😕

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