And So The Journey Begins

I’ve experienced some weird things in my life, but by far the weirdest was purchasing a domain for my own name:  Shocker that one wasn’t already taken!

And so the journey begins – I’m going to be an author.  I knew that our journey through brain cancer would have to come to an end before I was ready to write about it.  Layla would either be fully well or no longer with us.  My heart aches every day since she’s been gone, yet in some strange way I know that this book in my head wouldn’t exist without her death.  I wouldn’t have the depth of knowledge about grief that I do now.  I wouldn’t have connected with other families in the same way.  I wouldn’t have had to lean on God or stare faith in the face and really ask myself what I believe.

That’s another weird thing…finding myself trying to put a positive spin on cancer or my daughter’s death.  There’s no earthly spin or perspective that can legitimately make this whole mess “good”.  Only knowing that her story is not over and that God is faithful to see us through the next 50 years until we see her again.  That is what allows me to keep breathing.

Our story isn’t even all that remarkable.  It’s full of love and tears; hope and sorrow;  faith and disappointment.  It’s about life and the choices that come with it.  It’s about wrapping your head around the unimaginable in a way that allows others to see the faithful work of Christ in a life that should be falling apart.  It’s where our desires and God’s plan don’t always meet up.  Life begins and ends with the other F-word.

“Faith fills the gap between what WE want and what God has planned” – Sara Stamp, The Other F-Word


1 thought on “And So The Journey Begins”

  1. I can’t wait to read your blog. I have followed Layla’s story through Facebook and was personally involved with Sawyer Davidson who passed away from the same terrible disease. It’s terrible and no family or child should EVER have to go through that! The Strength, Faith and Grace that you and the Davidson’s have shown and taught others is so incredible. You all have taught us so much and I hope that knowledge helps in some small way. Honestly, I have had such limited experience with true grief until this past year. I lost my father in an unexpected car accident. He was approaching his 75th birthday – by no means anywhere near as tragic as a child dealing with this, but I am constantly struggling with all the questions normal to grief. How do you trust God’s plan when it is so painful to us. How do you have faith when you just want to rage that it isn’t the way you had it all planned. I think you have so much to teach us all about how to truly trust God even when the most unimaginable and terrible thing happens. Your words help so many, please know that. Thank you!

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